The other day I was doing a fitness course with a bunch of lovely individuals, all of whom were aware that I wrote about sex as part of my career.
It was while deflating a giant watermelon beach ball that the topic inevitably came up again. As I mounted and gripped my thighs around the speckled green surface of the balloon-like mount conversations about sex swings, colour changing cucumbers, and vibrating aubergines inevitably followed.
One of the girls, as part of our chuckling conversation openly exclaimed “I’d just rather have a penis!” and we all let out a roar of laughter. Then some minors entered the area and our explicit conversation faded away as we got back in to fitness mode.
It wasn’t until later that we resumed the conversation, this time in a more muted manner (the lack of an inflatable watermelon between one’s thighs tends to elevate the mood of a conversation, funnily enough). It was during this natter that someone lovingly exhaled again as they said “I just really love cock.”
“Me too” I purred back.
“Really?” they said, seeming surprised. “Then why do you use sex toys”
“Because a sex toy is not a cock” I responded “And I like what they have to offer too.”
There was a moments ponderance.
“Okay, think about it this way. We’re all fitness professionals right?”
“Right”
“And we know that there are different ways to get an effective workout”
A nod.
“As part of staying fit and healthy bodyweight exercises are amazing. We have, with just our bodies, everything we need to stay fit, healthy, and capable of great things for the rest of our lives. But that doesn’t stop us from enjoying trying other options too”
Another, more agreeing nod.
“A push up is brilliant but sometimes we just really fancy hitting the barbell, or playing around with a balance ball, or even doing something completely crazy like a 2 hour bootcamp session in the mud, rain, and rivers. No equipment that we bring in and enjoy playing with changes the benefits of bodyweight exercises, nor can it ever feel the same, but it’s not trying to, they’re all doing different things and we appreciate and enjoy access to that difference without having to nullify or stop enjoying the benefits of a body.”
There was a moment of thought “…Yeah, that makes sense.”
Then a chuckle.
“God, I’m never going to be able to think of the gym in the same way again!!!”
We all laughed but there was a lot of wisdom in that statement.
What is a gym, after all, if not a place full of objects that aren’t our body but which aim to provide something for our body that we could, if we wished, achieve purely with our bodies alone?
If bodyweight exercises are plain and simple sex then a gym is basically a pleasure palace decked out with every type of sex toy imaginable. Yet we’d never give the same stigma to someone using a barbell to do a bench press rather than a push up that we would someone using a sex toy instead of clawing for cock (or any other genitalia).
Indeed, it seems almost exclusive to sex toys that the idea of bringing in an external force is somehow seen as trying to replace a person’s body part, or in some way trying to be a complete replica of an act or appendage.
Let me be completely frank about this: Ain’t no way that a long rod with a tip the size of a tennis ball and a motor that rivals some washing machines is trying to be a cock. It’s just not even comparable in terms of sensation, shape, or experience.
True, sex toys and sex tend to have similar goals (aka the sexual gratification of all involved), but the process involved is so different that you’re doing both humans and sex toys a disservice to even try and put the two in the same box.
Sex toys belong in the toy box, people are not meant to be put in a box of any kind.
At the end of the day a sex toy has as much of a positive outcome or potential as a dumbbell does. Some will love them, some won’t. Some will have fantastic results, some won’t. And, in all cases, it’s only proper use by a human that will provide the desired outcome.
So, yes, I love cock as much as the next male-interested individual, but I also adore the rumble of my wand, swoon at the sight of a suction toy, and cling to the sheets as I grace my clit with a bullet.
Even among these devices, no two are in anyway similar and each will provide something that is truly and uniquely its own. A butt plug is not a wand, a wand is not a dildo, and a dildo is not a penis, but all of them can be fucking awesome in the right context.
So, next time you find yourself weighing up whether you like genitals or g-spotting vibes stop for a moment and ask yourself how the two could ever match up to each other and, more to the point, as yourself why you’re trying to lock yourself in to just one type of sexual exploration.
As I said before, humans aren’t meant to be relegated to just one box, so deny the reflex to box yourself in to cock/clit or cold turkey.
The world has so much more to offer those who dare.