Cocks are a wonderful thing. They can be sucked, stroked, rode, taken, and even augmented with the addition of fun and varied sex toys.

And, I must admit, I’m always a fan of a person who is receptive to playing around with options when it comes to their body.

Vibrations are just one way to enhance a sex session involving someone with a shaft. A well-designed cock ring can transform sensations for both the user and the recipient of any sexual action.

Blowjobs, for example, are always interesting when the giver’s lips are tingling and the receiver’s whole appendage is tingling with increased intensity.

Handjobs can feel so much more intense when a cock ring swells the penis more and heightens blood flow – thus increasing duration, strength, and the potency of the climax.

And when a cock ring is attached then all the benefits of vibration can be felt by both users, alongside stamina increased.

This is especially great for those who struggle with erectile dysfunction, but it can be transformative for any user and is why I value cock rings when they’re done right.

But doing them right is the important element.

Lelo have a fair few cock ring offerings. I’m a fan of the Tor 2 and the Pino (which nuzzles and hugs up against the vulva during use while delivering great vibrations for all involved) but what about the Oden 2?

As of now I’ve avoided it, and I’ll explain why in a while, but was I being unreasonable by steering clear from this phallus-enhancing offering?

Let’s find out.

The Lelo Oden 2

The Lelo Oden 2 is a cock ring with a twist…literally.

Its coiling cock ring area is a flexible silicone ring which twists in a curl to wrap around the shaft of the user and provide stimulation.

Two different rings are made available for users: One of which is sealed up at the end – making a complete ring – whereas the other stays open ended, to accommodate larger shafts or those who don’t like too much pressure.

This provides a nice amount of variety and consideration from Lelo which I appreciate.

It’s also unique to the Lelo cock ring range. Both the Tor 2 and the Pino have a single, complete ring, meaning that if you do value the ability to have a looser or more expansive fit then the Oden 2 is going to be of consideration for you.

The two different rings are attached by simply unscrewing them from the vibrating section of the toy and attaching the one you would like. At the same time, unscrewing the ring will also reveal the charge point for your toy, which is charged via a Lelo plug-in cable which is included with the toy.

The Oden 2 has other benefits that you’d expect from a luxury toy too. It comes with a storage bag, a warrantee, a guarantee, and is waterproof (but not submersible).

The Oden 2 also features Lelo’s SenseMotion technology – meaning you can use the remote given to simply tilt and sway it from direction to direction in order to control the vibrations or opt to use the + and – buttons given for a more conventional experience.

This is something that is particularly valuable when it comes to cock rings. Not only does it allow for power to be given over to one’s partner (if it is wished) but is also means you don’t have to try and fiddle about pressing just above the cock to switch through different features and functions.

The controller does need batteries, and these aren’t included, but it’s well worth the 2 x AA investment to have this sense of freedom.

In terms of patterns and intensity the Oden 2 has 6 different patterns and gradually increasing vibrations which can only be accessed through the remote (boo). The patterns can be accessed via the single button on the vibrator itself but I’m a fan of having full access from the toy, so this was a bit of a bummer for me.

The vibrations themselves are the smooth quivering rumble that is typical of many Lelo toys. It transfers well and feels nice both on a shaft and on the clitoris but isn’t the most powerful vibrator on the market. I actually consider this an advantage when it comes to cock rings, as they’re meant to be complimentary rather than overwhelming, and too much vibration can distract users from the other sensations at play.

I could, if I wished, climax from the vibrations alone but it wouldn’t be my preference. I much prefer using this toy as intended – a delicious addition to the sensation of a shaft sliding in and out of my body while I lovingly clasp the skin of the person sharing in the moment with me.

At least I would, if not for the fact that its twisting design is about at consistent in placement as someone trying tight roping for the first time.

I avoided the Lelo Oden 2 up until this point because I was worried that the larger size and the side-ways design of the vibrator would lead this toy to slide around too much during sex, and I was correct in that estimation. The vibrator for the Oden 2 does not like to stay in place. It will edge around the shaft, especially during rapid movements, until it’s either making no contact at all or the contact is so distracting that you have to stop and realign it during use. Then it slips again and you’re left repeating. It’s a bothersome experience.

In the Lelo Oden 2’s favour it is made of body-safe, phthalate-free silicone which feels lovely against the skin, but it’s only lovely for as long as it stays in place, which isn’t for long.

The plug-based charger for the Oden 2 is also a downside. Nowadays we’re so used to using USB connections that having a designated plug seems a bit outdated. It’s easier to lose and if you do lose it then you’re fucked…or not, as the case may be.

If you are really determined to use the Oden 2 and take it gently then you might be able to get an enjoyable ride out of if – and the same goes for blowjobs and handjobs where it’s purely a vibrational augmentation – but then you’re limited by your toy rather than liberated by it, and that should never be the case.

It’s a shame, really, because the Oden 2’s vibrations and premise are nice, but the size and positioning of the vibrating section really do let it down.

Final Thoughts

The Lelo Oden 2 is what I would call and ‘ergonomically challenged’ toy and this stops its many benefits from coming in to full effect during use.

If you’re vying for a Lelo cock ring and want similar sensations then the Lelo Tor 2 is a much better option by far in my mind. The vibrating section is smoother, it stays in place, and the ring is flexible enough to accommodate most users.

Alas, the Oden 2 is just a fading old relic by comparison. It’s like Thor Ragnarok all over again and I think it’s fair to say I know why Lelo no longer stock this toy on their site.

It’s a choice for the best.

Recommend to:

• People who like cock rings for non penetrative actions.
• People who want an open ring.
• People who don’t mind readjusting.

Do Not Recommend to:

• People who want a ring that stays in place.
• People who want a slimmer vibrating section.
• People who dislike the control system.

It’s been a long time since you all saw my breasts so I thought I’d change that.

I mean, why not, when it only costs £8 to get access to sequin bedazzled, heart-shaped nipple pasties ready set to attach atop my nipples and act as an adornment to my peaking breasts?

Ann Summers are an eclectic company. Some of the stuff they retail or make I am just totally against. I’ll never understand why they feel the need to put urea in their lube but that’s a whole other topic. The point is that will the good ol’ AS you never quite know what you’re going to get until you experience it first hand.

So, when I had a chance to try these nipple covers out I was sceptical but hopeful.

I mean, you can’t really do much wrong with nipple covers. As long as they look good, stick well, and remove well then you’re on to a winner.

But do these covers meet these key criteria?

It’s review time.

Ann Summers Basic Nipple Covers (Black Heart Shaped Nipple Covers)

The Ann Summers Basic Nipple Covers (displaying on their site as the Black Heart Shaped Nipple Covers) are exactly what you’d expect from the title.

These nipple covers come in a cardboard box with a plastic cover that shows the nipple pasties off. I get the practicality of this but, considering how much plastic we use, I’d prefer if the box were all cardboard. Most people know what they’re getting with nipple covers, after all, though I do appreciate that areola circumference will be a consideration for some users.

Undo the bottom of the box and you’re presented with the nipple covers in all their shining glory.

The covers themselves do fit the ‘basic’ bill, but ‘basic’ doesn’t mean ‘mediocre.’ There’s something simplistically cute and richly alluring about sequin hearts that are a deep black. They catch the light very well and shine in a manner that isn’t obtrusive but still catches the eye.

I’m not sure if these covers would feel as elegant as they do if they were silver, gold, or red so Ann Summers made the right choice in their selection of black in terms of keeping things subtly seductive.

The pasties themselves feel like a 1 use item, though you can get multiple uses out of them if you’re a careful and diligent user. Ann Summers certainly suggest they can be “applied and re-applied” so their shelf life is entirely up to you.

The advice is to not wear them for any more than 6 hours at a time, meaning you could pop these pasties on your puppies, slip a bra on, and be ready to go out for a date, to a sex party, or a kink event without issue and then simply reveal your surprise when you’re ready to.

I personally find that they are comfortable for long-term use so there really isn’t an issue in terms of duration and wear.

The pasties themselves come with paper on the back that you simply peel away and to allow for the adhesive section to be revealed.

The adhesive in nicely sticky but not a total faff to get on. I have sensitive skin and one of my big concerns whenever using nipple covers like these is that I’ll experience irritation but I was happily surprised that no irritation occurred throughout use. Huzzah to Ann Summers.

I do always wonder about the ethical aspect of the glues used, however, but Ann Summers doesn’t really supply much information on this, so god knows if these nipple covers are vegan.

…That’s a weird sentence to type.

The pasties attach well and were just about enough to cover my areola, though people with a large circumference might struggle.

As for the adhesive quality…depending on the shape and size of your breast you might have some logistics to consider.

My breasts are on the smaller size and have suffered from ‘the flop’ what with my weight loss over the years, this meant that there was sometimes a little bit of difficulty getting the whole of the covers to stay stuck on at times, but readjustment was simple. Imagine my hands squishing my breasts down and you’ve got a good idea of my incredibly technical readjustment method.

Keeping the covers on was relatively easy. Removing them was akin to trying to take off a plaster. Pain with sensitivity are an interesting mix.

Still, this would be a wonderful little addition to these covers for anyone who likes nipple play or pain play. Removing the covers themselves could become part of any play session, making it a clear bonus in my mind.

If you’re not a pain fan…well, take the ‘high heel’ approach and remind yourself that sometimes a little pain is necessary for looking fabulous. Or, if you’re not a fan of that philosophy then you might want to give these covers a miss and opt for something more gentle and in line with your play preferences.

Appearance-wise I really can’t fault these covers. They look cute. I feel cute when wearing them but with just a little bit of deviousness hidden underneath the surface. That’s likely the black colouration at play. Black attire always makes me feel like a confident kitten who could pounce with sharpened claws at any moment. It’s always nice when my sexual garments complement such a feeling and I hope you’d agree.

Downsides for these? It’s really hard to say.

If you lose the paper covering then storage would likely be an issue, and not knowing how many uses you get might irk some people. Having said that, you can pay £8 for a cup of coffee for 2 at some places nowadays so the idea of having sexual encounters with these nipple covers multiple times for the same price doesn’t seem unfair.

The pain factor of removing them is likely the only clear concern when it comes to downsides. Not everyone likes pain and that’s valid.

For me, however, I was undeterred by the sting on these covers, even if it did cause me to wince a bit after every removal.

Final Thoughts

Overall I can happily recommend the Black Heart Shaped Nipple Covers, which do their job and do it well.

Nipple covers come in all different shapes and sizes. Some have dinosaurs on them, some whole tropical islands (complete with mermaids) but, at times, it’s nice to return to a more basic formula and simply find value in the cheap and cheerful offerings out there.

Well done, Ann Summers, I’m impressed.

Recommend to:

• People who like nipple covers.
• Fans of black attire.
• People who like pain play.

Do Not Recommend to: 

• People who dislike pain.
• People looking for more striking designs.
• People who prefer other colours.

Let’s get this out of the way – there’s no need for ‘feminine wash.’

I was going to say ‘there’s no such thing as feminine wash’ but I cannot deny the existence of the feminine wash that is currently propped on my desk, and therefore I must defer to simply saying there’s not a need for it.

Your vulva does not require a specific wash in order to be feminine, for you to feel feminine, or to exist as a marker of femininity.

Vulvas are, however, more on the sensitive side sometimes (god knows mine is) and so there is sometimes a need for products which are less abrasive and chemically charged than your conventional body wash or shower gel.

Bath bombs, for example, are terrible for those prone to UTIs or vaginal/vulva irritation and after a bout you’re actually discouraged from using anything like that in your bathing routine to avoid a recurring incident.

The more you know.

The Orethic Feminine Wash

This is where products such as the Orethic Feminine Wash really do come in to your own. Plus, I get it – it’s much easier to market a product if it’s labelled ‘feminine wash’ then if it were called ‘vulva-sensitive wash’ or similar. Sure, it’d be more apt, but it’d also likely be harder to get through any search analytics and likely put people off.

‘Feminine wash’ is basically a euphemism, much like how wand massagers are ‘massagers’ and sex toys are ‘novelty items.’ We all look at them and simply go ‘Suuuuuure they are’ while all knowing that what we’re really going to do is shove them on to our junk and ride them until our brain tingles and our body spasms with joy. But I digress.

What makes the Orethic Feminine Wash particularly good for giving your vuvla (or any genitals, really) a good rinse is that it is completely lacking in most of the nasties that cause a lot of people issues.

There are two ingredients in the Orethic Feminine Wash:

Prunus Amygdalus Dulcus Oil: Basically sweet almond oil. A natural emulsifier often used in cosmetic washes to nourish the skin and add a sheen to any hair that might be involved.

Tocopherol: A form of vitamin E which is easily absorbed by the human body. Vitamin E being a powerful antioxidant and great for repairing damaged skin.

Of these two ingredients 70% is organic, which is even better for anyone who is bio-conscious and wants a product in line with their values.

The emphasis on a very simple ingredient list and two rather non-reactive and easily absorbed components makes the Orethic Feminine Wash great for anyone with allergies or those that struggle with conventional washes. I personally have very sensitive skin and found that this wash was no issue whatsoever for me.

The Orethic Feminine Wash has a slight aroma which is best described as ‘herbal’ and reminds me of attending crystal healing conferences or similar ‘hippy’ affairs – the kind of thing where you leave feeling a little more ‘cleansed’ and ‘enlightened’ despite whether or not this is actually the case.

Objectively, however, the science behind both of the ingredients in the Orethic Feminine Wash is sound and means that this product could really help people who struggle with irritation or friction around their vulva too. It would be great, for example, after a rough sex session to wash away any lube while also making sure that you take care of your skin.

It’s also great for anyone who still uses sanitary cloths and gets that unwelcome and downright demoralizing sting from the entire affair and potential chafing or hair-plucking from the pads.

I cannot stress enough that this is not a product that you put inside your vagina. Instead it is purely for external use, to wash and rinse your vulva area rather then getting anywhere near any internal parts.

Use it externally and you’ll find it lathers up well, leaves the vulva feeling nice and refreshed (as refreshed as any part of your body when you’ve just had a shower or bath), and likely does your skin some good.

Use it internally and you’re disrupting the natural flora of your vaginal canal. Your vagina is smart. It can sort itself out. Don’t go messin’ with mother nature.

I really cannot fault the Orethic Feminine Wash for what it is. A little really does go a long way and if you’re struggling with discomfort of the vulva then this product can potentially do a lot to help you.

It’s not ground breaking, and it does have a slight tingle to it that some people might dislike, but it does offer an alternative way to wash your vulva that isn’t reliant on a chemical bath.

Sure, the price tag is a bit more than you’re 79p Superdrugs shower gel, but that’s because it serves a specific purpose and, as such, you’ll likely be using it in smaller amounts and in a much more localized area, so it doesn’t feel excessive in its price tag.

Overall it’s just a really nice option for those who struggle with sensitive skin or simply want to transition to a more simplistic way to take care of themselves and I really can’t say much against such a beautifully succinct premise.

Final Thoughts

The Orethic Feminine Wash is a wash that you might not need but it is one that you might want, especially as it does its job pretty well.

I can personally recommend the Orethic Feminine Wash, though I think it’s something I’d only use if I were struggling with a UTI, feeling tender underneath, or using sanitary pads and paying the downsides of that option.

I think it’s a good product for those who meet any of those criteria, even if I’d never consider it an essential item.

What can I say? Sometimes products do what they say and do it well, and there’s not much more to add then that.

Recommend to:

• People with sensitive skin.
• Sanitary towel users.
• Aftercare cravers.

Do Not Recommend to:

• People who dislike vulva washes.
• People who find the price to steep.
• People who dislike herbal products.

A while back I was doing a firefighter challenge. Basically you did the firefighter entry exam to raise money for charity (in this case getting a defib for my local gym). Granted I’d given myself a slight disadvantage from the get-go by doing 20 miles just before the challenge, but that’s entirely besides the point of this anecdote.

As I sat down waiting for the challenge two of my gym pals were by my side nattering. I didn’t pay much attention to what was being said until one of them (a superstar of a lady) just suddenly said “Are you a lesbian?”

No judgement. Just a blunt and out of nowhere question. Part of the reason why I love this particular woman.

Once I had a moment to realize what I’d been asked I responded “I’m queer” to which they went “Ah, perfect then. So this really is lesbian corner.”

We all blurted out laughing and then got some firefighter gear on and shuffled a stuffed dummy across gravel (among other things).

Moral of the story – queer people are everywhere, whether you know it or not.

But queer sex toys aren’t always as prominent on the market.

Granted, any sex toy can be used by any body (as long as it’s suited to the body, that is) but sometimes it’s nice to have toys that are specifically catered to a specific person, preference, or demographic.

Wet For Her do just that.

Wet For Her specialize in queer gear.

The motto on their page reads “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go fare, go together” and I really appreciate this saying. Their company stems from the realization that, in a male-led market, they were not alone in their willingness and desire to see queer-specific toys gain more momentum and when they realized this they took up their own mantle and began making toys catered more towards lesbian and queer uses.

The Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five is one such toy.

The Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five

Nothing about this toy screams “lesbian” but I kind of really like that about it. One of the most important things to realize about queer individuals is that we are extraordinarily ordinary in many regards. Sometimes we don’t want all bells and whistles and “Oh look, when I push this button, the dildo starts projecting holographic rainbows in to the air and spitting out sparkles.”

Sometimes we just want a good, moderately curved, chunky dildo that works well with a harness.

That’s what the Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five offers.

This sex toy is labelled ‘Five’ because it’s actually one of a series of toys, all with the same design, which simply serve as nice dildos for harnessed use.

Different numbers have different measurements, all of which can be found here.

The Five itself even comes in three different sizes: Small, medium, or large (mine is medium).

As an aside, this also makes these toys great to use as dilators for anyone with Vaginismus or similar sexual dysfunctions.

I personally would have screamed and ran away if I was presented with the Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five from the get-go, but knowing there are other sizes and seeing this in the context of something I could built up to would have felt very reassuring and gratifying.

The Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five is made entirely out of silicone, making in non-porous, phthalate-free, and completely body-safe.

Sure, it’s baby pink, but like I said before you really don’t need to break convention with every single sex toy. I can make my peace with a pink dildo if it does the job, which this dildo does.

Wet For Her made a point of making their dildo non-realistic and this is really important for many queer individuals. Some people don’t want a cock, nor anything that resembles one in any way, but they still like the sensation of penetration and the perks of G-Spot stimulation.

Much like a plant-based burger, the Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five provides these pleasurable experiences without any of the unwanted elements that some people might object to or just not like.

The Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five is a smooth matte dildo which does best with some form of lubrication as it can feel a bit draggy without. Granted, it feels draggy with, but it’s the good kind of drag – the kind that makes you giddy and satisfied as it sweeps its way across the full length of your internal wall, letting you feel its girth, shape, and curve.

The curve of the Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five is subtle but effective. It’s the type that works really well with strap on use, which is exactly what it was designed for. I’ve never had an issue with this toy coming out of an O-ring or even slipping annoyingly out of place, which is perfect for an uninterrupted ramming session or even some nice, gentle thrusts or jiggles.

The Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five also feels very nice when used alone and can work as a great primer for size queen play, acting as an intermediary before going up to even larger sizes. This is one of the things I really appreciate about the Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five, as I’m not one to take size naturally, so this toy really does help to open up my vaginal walls a bit more and help me relax into any chunky silicone I ease in to myself afterwards.

I’d say if you were not one for larger sizes then you’d probably want to go down a peg from the Five, but the toys itself is near faultless. It feels lovely in long thrusts, offers a gentle nudging of the G-Spot and is great to spasm against at the point of climax.

It’s not even that heavy for what is, to be realistic, quite a large piece of silicone, and I’m left in awe at how nearly feather-light it feels.

This is another important thing if you value harness use, because there’s nothing worst than feeling like the junk in your trunk is weighing you down and working against you with each thrust.

Instead what the Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five provides is effortless play in a potentially queer way and I am so down to clown with this simple but effective dildo.

Final Thoughts

The Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five is not going to wow the market, but it might bring some pretty big “Wow’s” in to the bedroom and that’s ultimately what it’s made for.

If you’re in to a really prominent curve, prefer smaller toys, or just don’t like the pink then, sure, this toy is likely not quite right for you, but in all other situations the Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five delivers exactly what you’d expect from a toy of its appearance.

Remember what I said too – no one need be restricted by a toy’s specifications. This toy has a flared base and is just as good for anal, for use with hetero couples, for use solo, or even as a lovely dildo display in an adult cabinet.

I am personally pleased with the Wet For Her Strap On Sex Toy Five and I can recommend it to anyone looking for a toy like this.

Recommend to:

• Strap on lovers.
• Those dilating at larger sizes.
• Those who like non-representational toys.

Do Not Recommend to:

• People who prefer representational toys.
• People who like a bigger curve.
• People wanting smaller toys.

Tentacles are rad.

Call me an otaku-wannabe if you will, but there’s just something so alluring about the tentacle trend that exists out there. The curvature, texture, and potential that tentacles inspire is admirable and definitely makes my body squirm with anticipation.

So I’m always giddy when I get to review a tentacle product, especially when it’s made out of glass.

The Pink Tentacle Pyrex Wand

Glass might not be an ‘obvious choice’ for a tentacle toy.

After all, tentacles are pretty much the squishiest thing that you can find in nature (anyone who has held an octopus can vouch for this for me), but glass does have its benefits especially when it comes to tentacle-based toys.

Why is glass so good for tentacles? Well, firstly when people think of tentacles they also think a slimy or mucus-like residue which might add to the sensation of the tentacle. Glass is easy enough to lubricate up and then feels incredibly slippery – sliding effortlessly in and out of the body. This slick and seamless element of glass evokes the sensation of a slimy tentacle even if it doesn’t mimic the texture 100%.

Speaking of texture, glass is great for having a reasonable amount of texture while still also being quite forgiving on the body due to how easily it lubes up. Glass requires minimal lube in order to be quite body-friendly and this means it can actually be a very good entry level material.

Glass also transfers temperature quite well, which means you can have glass toys that are either warmed or cooled, adding to the sensation of using them. When it comes to a tentacle you can thus either imagine that you’re experiencing the chilling touch of a creature from the icy depths or the swarming rage of a creature so big and muscular that its very tentacles release warmth in to the body. Or you can just enjoy the texture and temperature. The choice is yours.

When it comes to the Pink Tentacle Pyrex Wand, the Pyrex glass used means that it is shatter-proof, easy to cool or heat, feels wonderfully sturdy and is relatively light.

The light baby pink used for this tentacle mirrors its gentler tentacle texture – which is reserved to some bumpy nodules on the top side of the dildo’s curve and some gently raised V-lines on the bottom section if its tip.

Flipping this tentacle allows you to experience its texture, curve, and length in different ways, but I always prefer using my toys with an upwards curve by default before playing with the down angle.

Having said that, I really enjoy flipping this particular toy on its head (so that the curve tilts down). Why? Because those raises V’s feel absolutely divine against the G-Spot and upper section of my vaginal wall, allowing the bumps to massage the rest of my body as a passive reminder of the tentacle’d nature of this toy. Tentacles have their suckers on the bottom section after all, right? So using the toy this way is hardly heresy.

Using it with the tentacles and the curve hitting my G-Spot is also lovely too. The Pink Tentacle Pyrex Wand is quite a slim dildo (1.2 inch diameter), meaning you can wiggle, thrust, and twizzle it to your heart’s desire, which makes things even better during use.

This slimmer design also makes it a great entry-level glass toy for someone who is thinking about glass textured toys but aren’t too sure how their body would handle it.

The texture itself is nicely understated. It’s gentle and works well to give a taste of texture without being overwhelming or otherwise grating. Some toys go a bit crazy with the amount of nodules they use but the Pink Tentacle Pyrex Wand keeps things happily minimal, making a toy that looks delicate and feels almost smooth during use.

Don’t get me wrong – you can feel the texture, but it’s not going to leave you feeling overwhelmed or out of your depth when playing with this creature of the depths.

The Pink Tentacle Pyrex Wand has the benefit of being non-porous, phthalate-free, and completely body-safe due to its glass material and it even comes with a lovely little storage bag, which is nice.

There are very few downsides to this toy but, if I were to pick something out, I’d have to say that the added nodules on the twisting handle of this toy are probably unnecessary.

Sure, you can flip this toy around and use its lovely little loop to caress your clit, a coronal ridge, or similar, but the nodules are spaced quite far apart so it’s not optimal for this type of play.

It also feels a little uncomfortable holding the loop with these nodules in place, so it’s certainly something that could be ditched and you would probably have a better toy as a result.

The toy itself looks aesthetically very pretty and feels like a cute and gentle contribution to the tentacle toy trend. It’s very clearly tentacle inspired but it’s not tentacle dedicated. It’s almost an abstract rendition of what a tentacle might be like if a classy artist decided to make a tentacle sex toy in their own minimalist manner.

I love the curve of this toy and feel that it’s just about right for both visual appeal and in-use effectiveness. It’s especially effective when using that wiggle method that I mentioned before (feel free to use that little tip if you want).

Little Space Life also offer this tentacle at a very reasonable price, making purchasing this toy all the more appealing, especially given how effective it is during use.

Final Thoughts

Would I recommend the Pink Tentacle Pyrex Wand? Sure, but I do think that it’s a toy for a more playful session rather than very deep and immersive experiences.

I orgasm powerfully with this product. The glass works very well with the texture and angle, but this toy is still rather slim and minimal on nodules, which some people will dislike.

This toy also has that ‘tentacle lite’ look which might leave some tentacle fans pining for more.

As a toy I really can’t fault it and I’m very happy to have it as part of my collection. If I were to buy this toy I’d be happy with its performance and consider it money well spent, but that’s because I am more than happy to keep my internal toys petite at times.

If, like me, you like the idea of a tiny tentacle then I would definitely recommend this toy, and I feel it’s a great addition to most people’s glass collection.

Recommend to:

• People who like glass toys.
• People who want to try glass toys.
• People who want to try texture/tentacles.

Do Not Recommend to:

• People who dislike smaller toys.
• People who dislike glass.
• People who dislike tentacles.

Do you like it large?

Jiggly?

Squishy?

I do.

Not always, of course. I’m not a natural Size Queen, but sometimes I want to be full. And I mean full – so widened and stuffed that I have mental flashbacks to the holiday season, where you’re left stuffed silly with a huge grin on your face that says it was all worth it.

And the Denerick’s Realistic Black Cock Dildo is definitely worth it.

About Black Cock Dildos

Before we dive in to the Denerick’s Realistic Black Cock Dildo, however, I’d like to introduce you to Black Cock Dildos.

Black Cock Dildos are the new cock on the block.

I can get away with saying that because Black Cock Dildos don’t take themselves too seriously, at least in terms of marketing.

Their logo is literally a cock – the clucking kind, not the phallic kind – and their website has a photo of the Denerick topped with a crown and given the prestigious title of the ‘New King of Cock.’

Gotta love a company that has a sense of fun and playfulness about them.

When it comes to product design, customer care, and product delivery, however, Black Cock Dildos takes things very seriously.

My communication with Black Cock Dildos has been prompt, diligent, and incredibly detailed. I can tell from every email that this company cares and their passion for their product (and the industry as a whole) really shines through as being at the core of what they do.

Their mission is to make their products ‘Thick, Filling & Real’ and they have done a lot of research in to different materials, product shapes, and surface design to achieve this.

I always love it when you can see a company has clearly gone in to all of the intricacies of sex toy design that they possibly can and I feel confident in saying that this has paid off, but we’ll get to that in the review.

Being in the UK, there were some issues with customs during my order, but Black Cock Dildos were on top of it. They took care of every part of the process – showing concern when there were delays and checking in to make sure everything was okay and that I specifically was okay.

Customer care like that cannot be emphasised enough and has left me feeling that Black Cock Dildos is a company to be trusted and strongly supported.

But what about the product?

The Denerick’s Realistic Black Cock Dildo

The Denerick’s Realistic Black Cock Dildo is a beast of an offering that went above and beyond my expectations.

Large toys are tricky. Not just to work up to but also to create.

So many large toys on the market are a flop…or, to be more accurate, the exact opposite of that.

Many large toys are just large, firm wads of non-descript silicone, poured with rigid materials and produced with minimal detail and the vague shape of a cock.

As a result of this they can be hard to take, uncomfortable to climax with, and just generally underwhelming.

There’s really no reason to compromise on quality when it comes to size, but a lot of cheap, large toys do this.

The Denerick’s Realistic Black Cock Dildo does not.

One of the most impressive things about the Denerick’s Dildo for me is just how detailed it is.

Imagine a penis. Okay, they’re all different, but they have a few commonalities. The bulging areas of lusting veins, the affectionate ripples under the coronal ridge, and, of course, the little lines and details of the skin that are unique to the phallus and as personal as a fingerprint.

These are detailed so commonly omitted in the industry but the Denerick’s Dildo has them all and more. This is basically a phallus blown up to ‘fill up’ proportions. It’s like someone took a person, went full Ant Man enlargement on them, and then took a mould of their genitals to present to us in all its glory.

This is no surprise given the ambitions of the company. Black Cock Dildos wanted to make a large toy that felt like the ‘real thing’ – that is to say that they wanted to toy to feel realistic during use. Obviously a dildo will never feel like a cock, and that’s a good thing, but there is a lot to be said about toys that aim for realism in sensation and Black Cock Dildos have hit the nail on the head.

The aesthetics aren’t the only impressive thing about this toy. The Denerick’s Dildo has a beautiful amount of squish to it that makes squeezing it as therapeutic as squishing your favourite stress toy (except with the Denerick’s Dildo orgasms are involved too).

Black Cock Dildos have used platinum grade, dual-density silicone for their toys design, meaning it has a firm inner core but a delicious squishy surface that really helps to mimic the sensation of a real swollen shaft.

The silicone used is skin-like, has a fair amount of drag (lube is almost a must!) and thus clings to one’s inner chamber and hugs and sweeps against the body with every single thrust or clench.

This isn’t a toy you simply put in and pump back and fourth thoughtlessly – it’s made to be experienced. The texture and detail given to its contours are highly complemented by the silicone, meaning you can feel all of the details. When using it I feel like my vagina is stroking against its surface and detecting all of its details – intimately mapping all of the elements that make it so clenchingly divine.

This toy has a very prominent coronal ridge with a nice curve to it and this really comes in to play during use. I’m not a huge, long thruster when it comes to large toys. I prefer to insert them and then contracts around them and make small adjustments and thrusts in order to nuzzle my G-Spot in to a stupor. And, oh boy, does this toy’s ridge work wonders for that.

Words cannot describe just how filling this toy’s 7.25 inch circumference feels. It takes your body, widens you, and consumes all of your thoughts with the engulfing sensation that it offers. Every element of bombards your mind with a colourful display of detail and depth, and I’m personally left swooning at the experiences that it offers.

It’s a large one for me but a toy larger than life offers climaxes of equal magnitude and my body moans and convulses in delight when met with the brilliance of this toy’s G-Spot smashing ridge and gorgeous veins.

Granted, this is a toy you will need to work up to. There’s really no denying that. But that’s part of the fun. Plus the warm-up to this toy leaves you even more sensitive and ready to receive its detailed design.

The squishy nature of its silicone really helps with inserting it too.

Yes, it does make the initial insertion a bit more draggy, but that’s part of the appeal and overall the softness of this toy’s external silicone makes building up to it much more forgiving then more rigid large toys.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my large glass and wood offerings, but they are a different beast all together to this supreme cock.

When you climax with this toy your muscles have to work to accommodate the size. This results in much stronger and more pronounced sensations. However, because this toy has that soft layer there is enough give that the muscles don’t tire as quickly as they might, allowing for prolonged climaxes and an immense, pulsing reward.

If you’re a strap-on fan then this toy can also be made with a Vac-U-Lock section, which I don’t tend to use but, hey, you can always put a bullet in their too. The pay-off for a bullet is subtle, due to the large bulk of silicone the vibrations have to fight to transfer themselves through, but it’s still a good option to have and a nice way to add another dimension to your play session.

The balls of this toy make for a nice anchoring point and can be gripped for use if needed, but they can also be awkward and cumbersome if you don’t like holding on to (or dealing with) a lot of heft at the base of your toy. It’s one of the points of the toy that will be divisive but I like them and, again, the detail given to the scrotum is outstanding.

The only other downside with this toy is that, due to its softer silicone, it is an absolute dust, lint, and fur magnet, but I’m okay with that. It’s easy to rinse this toy before and after use, though you’ll want to take extra care when cleaning it because of just how textured it is.

When that’s the only semi-bad thing I can say about an otherwise extraordinary toy, however, I’m not complaining at all.

Final Thoughts

The Denerick’s Dildo is an immense offering.

It’s a larger-than-life treat for the senses presented by a company that is excited to present filling treats for us all to explore with wide eyes and even wider orifices.

I can highly recommend this product, especially for those who love a realistic sensation, those who prefer dual-density, and those building up to larger toys.

If you’re daunted by the Denerick’s then don’t worry- Black Cock Dildos are only just getting started and I have behind-the-scenes info that the company are soon going to produce even more items for people to salivate over and sample.

This is a toy that delivers in every regard and I am incredibly happy to present it to you in this review.

Sometimes in life all you need is a giant cock to bring immense happiness, and Black Cock Dildos have delivered.

Recommend to:

• Size queens.
• People who like squishy texture.
• People wanting to try hulking dildos.

Do Not Recommend to:

• People who prefer firm toys.
• People who dislike balls on toys.
• People who dislike realistic designs.

I like the term ‘sex toys.’ I like it al lot.

There’s something to be said about the playfulness of the term. Sex should be about enjoyment, happiness, and a free-spirited embrace of life and the term ‘toys’ complements these notions very well.

Sometimes, however, a toy is so elegant, so wonderfully artful, that it feels strange to call it a ‘toy.’

The Rose Bud Yoni Egg Rose Quartz Crystal Kegel Exerciser By Chakrubs is one such product.

The Rose Bud Yoni Egg Rose Quartz Crystal Kegel Exerciser By Chakrubs

The Rose Bud Yoni Egg Rose Quartz Crystal Kegel Exerciser By Chakrubs is a kegel exerciser made out of actual rose quartz and best used to help supplement a healthy pelvic floor routine.

Pelvic floor exercises not only help prevent incontinence, provide manageable pregnancies, and increase sexual pleasure but they also act as some of the most important core muscles in our body, which keep us stable and healthy in life (and exercise).

But, let’s be clear here – this is just an addition to healthy kegel exercises rather than a cure-all or an exerciser in its own right.

Chakrubs claim that yoni eggs “originated in China over 2,000 years ago and was practiced by the emperor’s concubines to maintain a strong and healthy vagina” but I’m a researcher at heart and something didn’t sit quite right with me about this.

I mean the obvious thing that didn’t sit right was the idea that concubines (subordinate sex providers to a single male) were being used as a positive in sexual marketing but, beyond that, I also wondered about the legitimacy of the origins of yoni eggs.

Sure enough a research study of more than 5,000 jade objects from 4 major art and archaeology collections in the US has found that no Yoni Eggs were present in any of the rather extensive collections, which pretty much means that the appeal to the ‘Orient’ suggested by this product (and others, such as Goop’s infamous Yoni Eggs) is pretty much BS.

But, hey, I’m not here to discredit a company’s claims…at least not entirely – I’m also about reviewing a product on its own merit, so what can I say about the Rose Bud Yoni Egg?

Firstly, this product is stunning.

Rose quartz is one of my favourite semi-precious gems, owing to the gently pink and almost clouded nature of its gorgeous depths.

I could look at the Rose Bud Yoni Egg for hours and still notice new things about it; seeing it in the new light with every little exploration of its subtleties.

There really is something to be said about semi-precious stones when it comes to adult objects, and the Rose Bud Yoni Egg has been polished and presented to perfection, with it truly feeling like a little work of erotic art.

This product, in short, would be perfect for gift giving.

The Rose Bud Yoni Egg is smooth and cool to the touch, but not icy cold like steel might be. It can be warmed or cooled for further effect and this can help someone trying to do kegel exercises with it.

You might, for example, find it easier to detect and thus clench and release around the Rose Bud Yoni Egg if it is cooler, or find comfort in its presence if you’ve warmed it.

I personally like to warm the Rose Bud Yoni Egg and insert it when struggling with cramps in order to soothe my body a bit in a way that feels more natural then defaulting to pain medication (not that those don’t have their place, of course).

The Rose Bud Yoni Egg can be purchased in two different sizes and mine is the smaller of the two, measuring in at 1.65 inches long and 1.18 inches wide in diameter.

This makes the Rose Bud Yoni Egg  very easy to insert though can make it a pain to remove, especially if it goes deep in to the vaginal canal.

The smoothness of the Rose Bud Yoni Egg  doesn’t help much with this, as a lack of any cord means you essentially have to stick some fingers in to your body and wrestle it out, but I can’t say I’ve ever had any distress during the removal process of the Rose Bud Yoni Egg .

How does this egg feel during use?

Not too heavy nor too light. It’s definitely perfected the Goldilock’s approach to kegel exercisers – offering a substantial sense of being ‘there’ but without the worry that it might be too heavy to stay inserted nor so thick that it feels uncomfortable.

I can (and have) insert the Rose Bud Yoni Egg and use it for pretty much an entire day without any issue in discomfort. In fact, I’ve almost forgot about it on some occasions (oops).

I suppose this doesn’t bode well for the sensation-based appeal of the Rose Bud Yoni Egg as, unless you heat or cool it, this product is relatively inert during use and only conscious clenching exercises will help you detect it with any true clarity.

Chakrubs have a strong belief in the healing benefits of crystals and, although many won’t prescribe to this, they claim the following benefits of rose quartz:

• Revealing the beauty in yourself to build self-confidence
• Teaching the true essence of love and attracting it in all forms (self, erotic, romantic, platonic)
• Fostering a generous outlook that enhances feelings of compassion and forgiveness
• Providing comfort to those who are grieving or in pain
• Stimulating sensual imagination
• Healing internal childhood wound and reprogramming the heart to receive love
• Balancing yin-yang energy
• Releasing blockages in the heart chakra
• Stimulating the root chakra to rejuvenate the physical body
• Dissolving anger, resentment, fear, and suspicion”

Did I feel any of these benefits blossom with the Rose Bud Yoni Egg? Well, I suppose it’s fair to say that I felt my ‘sensual imagination’ strengthen, as I was actively working my kegels at times while using the Rose Bud Yoni Egg as a focal point, but this can be true of any kegel exerciser.

A lot of this might sound cynical or sardonic in nature but it’s worth noting that I do actually adore this product.

I adore it for what it is, however – an expensive, luxury kegel exerciser – rather than seeing it as a sexual necessity.

This product is beautiful, there’s no denying that, and I feel special just for owning it. However, it won’t offer up any substantial benefits that other kegel exercisers can’t already convey.

It is the epitome of the ‘treat item’; being a sheer luxury to own and offering the most wonderful feelings of sexual indulgence and aesthetic importance but without offering any added benefits beyond that.

Does it really need to though? I don’t personally think so.

Final Thoughts

Anyone who is buying a rose quartz yoni egg isn’t doing so expecting it to offer sex-tech innovation, additional bells and whistles, not some sort of integrated wifi connection and app-based data bank that would make a Fitbit blush with jealously. They’re buying it because they love the idea of owning and using a rose quartz yoni egg and want that experience.

The Rose Bud Yoni Egg  delivers that experience 100% and it odes not disappoint in any strong regard.

I am very grateful to have been able to try this product and feel that it will easily meet the expectations of any potential user.

This product really is a work of adult art and I know that it will make gem-stone loving users everywhere elated to sample such a smooth and elegant offering.

As for its other claims…don’t allow yourself to get sucked too much in to the hype.

Just enjoy this product for what it is and what it can provide and you will be very happy with the outcome.

I know I was.

Recommend to:

• Lovers of rose quartz.
• Sensation play fans (temperature based).
• People looking to treat themselves or a lover.

Do Not Recommend to:

• People who want a kegel exerciser that does the work for them.
• People who like a retrieval cord.
• People who dislike firm kegel exercisers.

I am a very animalistic person if I want to be.

When I’m attracted to someone I sometimes can’t help it. I grin like the Cheshire cat, my motions become a little more prowling (at least in my mind), and I lick my lips like a wolf eyeing up a tasty morsel.

Grace and elegance, for me, are linked to animals in my mind. As is playfulness. Have you ever seen a fox jump down in to the snow after its next meal? It’s friggin adorable! So is seeing a fox discover a trampoline, a dog toy, or just playing with their littermates.

All so squee worthy that foxes, in my mind, will forever be the playful and refined-yet-clueless critters of the wild.

So it is always a joy when I get to channel ‘foxy’ behaviour in my own mannerisms.

Especially when a good butt plug is involved.

16″ Blonde White Tip Fox Tail Butt Plug

The 16″ Blonde White Tip Fox Tail Butt Plug is just one of many vulpine offerings in the butt plug market but every plug takes its own little approaches to being a fur plug and, I have to say, this plug stood out for me a lot.

Not necessarily in the best of ways at first, actually…weeeell, it was in the best of ways but at the time it didn’t seem like it.

Let me give some background.

When this plug arrived I was delighted by so many of its features. The richness of its orange fur, the dense clumpiness of the base fur and how it streamed out in to smoother, softer tips, and, of course, the way it naturally fell in such a comfortable position, mimicking a tail in every regard.

But was it mimicking it too closely?

My brain went in to immediate panic mode: “Oh shit. This is real fur”

Bad news for a vegan.

I went on to the Butt Plug Expert page and read its description. It said it was ‘realistic’ but not that it was real fur.

My previous, extensive experience with taxidermy, animal pelts, and fox fur collars left me freaking out that I had accidentally come in to possession of yet another dead body in a life where I was waaay past that.

The idea of having the tail of a once-living animal waggling from side-to-side as cold metal sat snugly in my bottom was not one I relished in the slightest.

It seemed so entirely real.

So I went back on to researcher mode.

Here are some top tips for you if you ever suspect that you have a real fur item instead of a faux fur one:

• If you part the fur and look at the base and see skin it’s likely real. If you see weaving then it’s likely fake.
• If you burn the fur and it melts and twists into disintegrated nothing like plastic then it’s plastic. If it singes and smells of burning, but doesn’t immediately peel away, it’s likely real.

It was with great relief that the 16″ Blonde White Tip Fox Tail Butt Plug had both a woven base layer and fur that melted in to oblivion when I tested a few stray whiskers, and so I was left not just with immense relief but also with extreme awe.

This is how far we have come with faux fur butt plugs now. Not only can they look brilliant but they can also be so convincing in every aspect of how the fur behaves and feels that it can easily make you think that it is the real deal. There is no clearer bonus in my mind when it comes to a faux fur butt plug product.

Immersion is everything with animal-play products, after all, and if you have a lacklustre fur tail then you just feel like someone playing cheap dress-up rather than the proud owner of your own, brilliant orange tail that you can wiggle proudly from side-to-side while feeling the motion of it resound throughout your body.

I mean, absolutely well done to the creators of this tail.

The 16″ Blonde White Tip Fox Tail Butt Plug isn’t just about its foxy plumage, however. It is also attached to a stainless steel butt plug, which I’m willing to guess is hollow in its interior, as it’s rather light considering its size.

You can purchase the 16″ Blonde White Tip Fox Tail Butt Plug with a few different plug sizes in mind:

• S Plug: 2.8 cm x 7.5 cm
• M Plug: 3.5 cm x 8.5 cm
• L Plug: 4.1 cm x 9.5 cm

If you’re new to anal play then you may still have to work up to all of these sizes to some degree, but a nice bud-like structure means that this plug has a good taper for insertion. It then bulges out in to a lovely filling section (good for the P-Spot for those with a male anatomy), and then eases in to a lovely neck which offers ample room for comfort before getting to its safely flared base.

No flared base, no anal fun. Full stop.

Because this toy has a steel plug it can be heated or cooled to add to play and this creates another element of fun to its use. I like my vaginal toys warm but my plugs cold, as I feel this amplifies my natural inclination to grip and squirm against the plug and this was the case with the 16″ Blonde White Tip Fox Tail Butt Plug.

Although there isn’t much heft to the 16″ Blonde White Tip Fox Tail Butt Plug compared to some other metal toys you can still feel its presence very firmly, due to the uncompromising nature of metal. If someone penetrates you while using this toy then you’ll both know it. If you sit down wearing this toy you will be able to detail the exact placement of its tulip-like shape, and during sex…well…it’s a delight to sample internally.

The way that the tail moves for the 16″ Blonde White Tip Fox Tail Butt Plug is also very natural and arousing. This tail falls beautifully in to place during use, and its stroke-inviting fur nuzzles movingly against the inner thighs during bent-over postures, allowing you to caress yourself in new ways through your extended anatomy.

It’s hard not to get carried away in the fantasy and primal nature of this plug when using it and that is a definite plus. When I use this plug I am in a different mindset and it’s one that I thoroughly enjoy exploring.

With the user’s permission a tail can also be used to swiftly pull the plug out, which comes with its own heart-racing sensations, and I do recommend giving this a go at least once should you buy this tail. Just make sure the lube is flowing aplenty, otherwise you might get pain where you had desired pleasure. Oh and make sure you’re *ahem* ‘clear.’ Standard booty play rules, really.

If I were to give a downside to this plug it’s one that is inherent in all tail-based toys. Cleaning is a nightmare and you’ll want to keep it as clean (and then as dry) as possible to avoid lingering odours and unwanted bacterial.

Stainless steel may be non-porous, true, but faux fur isn’t and this is a genuine safety concern that you need to keep in mind.

Outside of this downside, however, there is very little to be said against this superb tail.

Final Thoughts

This tail almost fooled me in to an existential vegan crisis and, for that, I applaud its realism and effectiveness.

I am over the moon to own such a gorgeous and functional anal toy and feel like its pleasure during use coupled with its aesthetic qualities create an outstanding finished piece.

I can firmly recommend this toy to any fellow foxes who want to get in touch with their wild side.

So, what are you waiting for?

Recommend to:

• People who like realistic tails.
• People who like bulb-like plugs.
• People who like lighter metal plugs.

Do Not Recommend to:

• People who prefer obvious fake/cartoonish tails.
• People who prefer a different plug style.
• People who dislike the maintenance element.

I may be lacking in a certain piece of *ahem* anatomy when it comes to Fleshlights, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t seen or used a fair few in my day. As such, my mind has often wandered to the idea of what makes the ‘best fleshlights’ for those who do want to delve deep in to the topic (pun intended).

Of course, different companies have their take on this matter and you can click here to get just one example of the offerings that some like to present. Sex Toy Education certainly have their heads screwed on right when it comes to the many criteria that go in to the perfect Fleshlights and I recommend their article for any new buyers to Fleshlights, but let’s jump in to this topic Peaches-style too.

Why Even Use a Fleshlight?

It’s a question asked by Sex Toy Education and a question I’d like to tackle too.

Fleshlights, after all, have received an unfair stigma over the years – as if somehow the mimicry of a vulva, mouth, or anus are heathenistic whereas the myriad of rotating, vibrating, and self-thrusting dongs in the market is perfectly commonplace.

But strip away this stigma and you have an amazing tool to explore your body with.

Why use a Fleshlight? Because Fleshlights aren’t bodies.

That might sound odd but it’s the beauty of them. A Fleshlight (like any toy) offers you the chance to experience things that aren’t the same as direct human contact (and that includes one’s own anatomy).

Sure, they can sometimes aim to be familiar – some might even call themselves ‘realistic’ – but what a Fleshlight offers will be entirely different to what a body can offer, or the additions that come with that body.

Someone who struggles with intimacy or has a sexual dysfunction they want to address can do so with a Fleshlight in their own time.

Those who want to try experiences beyond the hand or a person’s vulva/anus/other orifices might want to see what a Fleshlight is like too.

Couples might like to add a Fleshlight in to their play to mix up interactions and have a choice of different sensations for different moods.

I know that I personally adore using a Fleshlight on my partners. I love the grip that they offer, the expressions of pleasure on my partner’s face, and the way I can twist and contort the Fleshlight, gaining new gasps and twitches from my happy receiver. It’s also a nice break if I’m feeling tender or don’t want to use my hands or mouth.

It’s always good to have options.

The Best Fleshlights

But what makes a Fleshlight the best in the bizz?

Is there a secret inherent to the perfect toy that gets toes curling and mouths moaning with expertly designed prowess?

I’d say “Yes and No.”

There are many pre-requisites that go in to making a superb Fleshlight, and that formula shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Material is important, with safety being the chief concern. A Fleshlight can have you proclaiming your devotion to all the sex gods under the sun but if it leaves you sick as a dog then it’s not good for anyone.

Making sure your Fleshlight can be properly sanitised and maintained is crucial.

Design is an important element too. How much texture is involved? What’s the grip like? Can you vary the pressure that you apply to it? Is the opening aesthetically pleasing? Can a partner easily use it on you if they wish?

All of these things are important but, as you might have noticed, they’re all highly subjective.

Thus we come to the crux of the matter.

The perfect Fleshlight is not one single product; It’s whatever toy works best for you considering your personal specifications.

This is why it pays to familiarise yourself with what Fleshlights are on the market as well as taking a long, hard look at what you know you like during sex.

So, if you’re considering buying a Fleshlight and are looking for the best then remember; you are the one that will determine what is the best for you. Don’t be deterred by the opinion of others and be true to yourself and your needs.

That’s what truly makes Fleshlights great; The power is in your hands.

Literally.

I wonder if my career’s advisor ever thought that, one day, my job would involve shoving a vibrator shaped like a hippo against my clit…

I mean, I hope they weren’t imagining that of a teenage girl but, you’ve got to admit, I’m certainly living the high life. 

Really, though, there’s a certain amount of joy that comes from getting a sex toy arrive at your doorstep that defies convention in all manners.

Sure, we’ve had rabbits.

We’ve had ducks.

We’ve even had caterpillars.

But a hippo?

Adorable!

Hippos also have somewhat of a personal meaning for me.

Growing up I was a plus-sized lady in every regard and so when I thought of myself the vision of a hippo often sprung to mind. It wasn’t necessarily a kind one until I heard a rather silly meme song (Hippo Girl) as a young teen. The song was hardly flattering, nor necessarily serious, but it involved a tiny critter who loved a hippo lady in spite of what overs might find to be unlikeable traits. It blew my tiny teen mind and made me suddenly think that being a ‘hippo girl’ could actually not be such a bad thing after all. Add in Madagascar’s romance between a giraffe and a hippo and you can only imagine how happy I became over the years.

And then there’s this – a hippo sex toy. An animal that some consider to be the epitome of chunky undesirability suddenly transformed in to and adorable, playful icon of sex. Not relegated for its curves but actually celebrated for them, as the toy uses a hippo’s natural contours as the main design element of the product.

My potential to love this toy was large when it arrived. But did it live up to that potential? That’s what this review is all about.

The Satisfyer Petting Hippo Rechargeable Waterproof 12-Function G-Spot Vibrator

The Satisfyer Petting Hippo Rechargeable Waterproof 12-Function G-Spot Vibrator is a vibrator primed for G-Spot stimulation but capable of so much more.

You may know Satisfyer as the company that took the sex toy world by storm when they made affordable suction-based sex toys. And, for the longest time, these are the toys that have graced my site, but Satisfyer have since branched out considerably and vibrators are now one of the many other toy types that they offer.

The Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator is the first vibrator from Satisfyer that I have personally tried, so I was keen to see what they might deliver to the industry and the answer is a standard, but undeniably effective, offering that merges play with results.

The Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator’s biggest selling point undoubtedly has to be its design. With a head shaped like a hippo (or, to my mind, a cheery manatee) this toy creates a cure little double-chinned curve that bulges at its snout to offer up a semi-unique G-Spotting shape.

I say ‘semi-unique- because the way that this curve is composed is almost at an inverse angle to many other G-Spotting vibes. There’s a sort of divot to either side of the Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator‘s snout and a sharp upward angling that you don’t often see executed to such an extreme degree.

It’s definitely reminiscent of some Fun Factory toys (especially the Patchy Paul) but with more prominence in the angling of its G-Spotting bulge.

This toy has a confident sort of appeal to its head curvature which then contrasts to a shaft that curves downwards instead of offering the conventional banana-like bend of most vibes of its ilk to generally make a toy that seems made for a subtly different experience.

The Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator is made from ABS plastic (the handle) and a wonderfully smooth matte silicone with both materials being non-porous, phthalate-free, and completely body safe. It’s waterproof, so you can clean it easily, and USB rechargeable. All of this is offered at a retail price below $50 which puts the Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator in a competitive bracket when you do compare it to things such as the Patchy Paul.

A 3-button control system is placed nicely on the control panel of the Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator and is easy to use. There’s a power button – which you press and hold to turn the toy on and off – and then two buttons which essentially act as a + and – to cycle through the toy’s 6 different intensities and 6 different rhythms.

The Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator’s vibrations range from a near-inert and very gentle jiggle to a very persistent deep hum which is lacking in rumble but well refined for internal stimulation.

As I said before, this toy isn’t just for internal use though and the resonant buzz of the Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator is also effective at caressing the clitoris or hitting the perineum externally.

For this the snout works very well. It’s just about the right size and shape to essentially work as a mid-sized wand and create strong (but not overpowering) orgasms.

Internally, however, the vibrations and angle of this toy really come in to their own and the best word to describe the Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator in this capacity is ‘persistent.’

The Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator‘s snout is rather firm, meaning that once it’s on the G-Spot it is on it and there’s no mistaking the potency and effectiveness of its nuzzling sensations.

Because this toy has a max ‘bulge’ section of 1.125 inches at the head it feels pretty easy to insert and sits comfortably inside the body without feeling uncomfortable or eliciting that semi-concerning “I need to pee” sensation. Yet its wonderful snout knows just how to make the G-Spot sing and leave you with a smile as wide and giddy as that of the hippo’s own adorable grin.

The shaft of this toy also widens to a nicely broad 1.75 inches, meaning if you want to feel a bit more chunk that is available to you.

That’s not to say that this toy is without flaws, however, and I have a few niggles with it.

The first would be the above mentioned chunk – in order to feel this toy’s fullness you do end up moving past a nice length for G-Spotting, which means you’re kind of missing out on one element to chase the other.

There are also three bumps near the very end of this toy’s shaft which are mostly redundant unless you do want to go deep and, even then, don’t offer much in terms of sensation.

This toy’s shaft is also rather bendy which will annoy people who like to push hard for pressure when angling their toys – it’s just not possible with the Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator.

The silicone section of the handle ring is also very flexible, which I found to be distracting at times, though that might be a personal preference.

Speaking of personal preferences, if you like rumble in your toys then the Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator might disappoint. It’s vibrations are more smooth and penetrating rather than juddering and deep and that’s a difference that true rumble-lovers (like myself) will notice immediately.

Overall, however, I really can’t fault this toy much considering it meets what seem to be most of its key design and performance criteria. These criteria just might leave some people a bit disappointed, all things considered.

Final Thoughts

The Satisfyer Petting Hippo Vibrator might not be the most extraordinary G-Spotting toy out there but it is a very cute and reasonably effective offering which, if you’re like me, will be a near must-have just from aesthetics alone.

This toy knows how to firmly nudge strong orgasms out of its users, with a snout primed for play and vibrations that are well crafted for their intended purpose.

Sure, it’s not going to radically change the market, but it has offered something different and, for that, I applaud it.

Recommend to:

• Hippo fans.
• People who like strong G-Spot bulges.
• People who like non-conventional toys.

Do Not Recommend to:

• People who dislike strong bulges.
• People who prefer an upwards-curved shaft.
• People who prefer firm shafts.